A Facebook friend recently inspired me to list the 25 most significant, interesting or impactful events in my life. Mine are not nearly so glamorous as my friend's, but they have meaning to me. And as not to completely mystify whoever has the misfortune to read this, I'm adding a brief explanation with each.
So by design, chance, conscious decision or royal screwup, and in no particular order, here they are. (Naturally, names have been changed or omitted to protect the guilty):
1. Meeting The Wife
You may not know that I met The Wife in a small college town. In Missouri. In a grill. A bar. Not exactly the beginning of the epic romance (if there is such an animal), but it worked for us!
My buddy and I were immersed in studies, foosball and beer. Then he went to work one semester for the local phone company as an old-style switchboard operator. He was the only male in a roomful of comely co-eds. I envied him!
He'd recently met his future wife and believed it was my turn. So he arranged for a co-worker to meet us one night after work. That first encounter was not love at first sight. I was foo far into the game and my cups. But. The second time I met her, BOINNNG! I was hooked!
Long story short, we wed 8-9 months later. Next spring will be our 50th anniversary.
2. Marriage
Literally within days after I made a conscious and hopeless decision to remain forever single (I was 27), I met Her. Call me "whipped," I don't care. She is the best thing that ever happened to me! (Short of my birth. That was pretty significant, too.)
3. Our Son's Birth
Until then, our marriage was idyllic self-centeredness. When Little Scurvy joined us, we quickly learned the joy, agony, optimism, fear, uncertainty and overwhelming responsibility of bringing a child into the world. And I wouldn't change it for all the tea in Colombia (or coffee in China? Or bacon in Canada!).
4. Our Daughter's Birth
I was present at the birth of both kids (The Wife was, too, of course), and the experience was, trite as it sounds, miraculous! Little Scurvette exhibited a strength I'd not expected almost from the moment she joined the family. She brought a whole new dimension of understanding and mystery to my existence. I cannot imagine what life would have been without her!
5. Scholastic Failure
My sophomore year of college, I busted my hump in a Genetics class taught by a man whose foreign accent I simply could not decipher. After midterms, he told me that no matter how well I did the rest of the way, I would not pass his course. Instead of challenging him or the school, I mentally surrendered, stopped attending and took an F. That incident altered my life and taught me that even bad decisions are valuable decisions.
6. Discovering Brewskis
About halfway through my freshman year, my college roommate talked me into beating some brain cells to death with a six-pack. I resisted. I used a couple of tallboys and a quart of cheap malt liquor instead. I discovered what confidence was — and the following morning what hangovers were. I learned to loosen up, and that has served me immensely since then, independent of alcohol.
7. Enlistment
No matter what anyone tells you, military service changes you, usually for the better. You can't help but grow when you're forced to live and work with people from far outside your little box. I know I can count on men I've actually spent a relatively short time with, because we were "shipmates." And they know they can count on me. No matter how much time has passed. You can't put a value on that.
8. Third Grade
The elementary schools I attended early on taught sight reading, seeing the words as pictures. Example, "cow" wasn't a word spelled "c-o-w." It was an image of a cow. Schools didn't teach how words were built, i.e. phonics.
Mrs. Williams was old-school. When I had trouble learning to read, she told my parents how to help. Dad then drilled me nightly with flashcards, and within a couple of weeks, I was sounding out words and reading everything I could set my eyes on. If not for her and my Dad, an illiterate lump (as opposed to a literate one) would be struggling to write this.
9. Tonsillectomy
Until about 5, I wasn't very robust. I had allergies my folks were unaware of, but which contributed to three hospital stays for asthma by the start of third grade.
Then, they took my tonsils out, and my life immediately improved. Today, doctors say my tonsillectomy probably had no effect on my health. Could be.
All I know is, I started growing almost the minute they released me from the hospital, and I never had another asthma attack.
10. Forgiveness
When Dad died, I was wracked by guilt. I was 44; he was 67. He and Mom had been in an auto accident. In an orgy of medical timidity, they kept him three weeks in ICU for an old injury they'd detected that his personal doctor had cleared. The family knew of it, but no one (including me) thought to mention it to the hospital physicians.
Subsequently, Dad died of a staph infection in the hospital. Had I been more aware and put my foot down, I may have saved him. It took me several years to forgive myself.
11. My Name
Kids have a real talent for ridiculing with rhyme — and as a child, my name was an irresistible target. I got the full load. I hated it.
"Why?" I asked myself, couldn't I have been named Bill or George. Anything but Sue! (Oops. Off track there. Sorry, Mr. Cash.)
Now, I love my name. It's memorable!
12. Grudges
For almost half-a-lifetime, I held a grudge over an altercation I had with an until-then friend. He whupped me pretty good. Then at our 25th high school reunion, I ran into him. He looked as if Life had done more to him than I could ever do, and my need for revenge I'd been harboring dissolved.
That evening, I consciously chose to let go of such feelings. The Lord says we should love our neighbor, and since then, I try.
13. Mobile Childhood
My family had roughly 30 addresses by my 13th birthday. Growing up, that was the source of a lot of sadness: leaving places we loved, and schools and friends behind, many to never see again. I never got to really know my extended family, aunts, uncles, cousins, grandparents. Never a feeling of truly belonging. No roots
But the upside was, my immediate family was close. Moving allowed me experiences I'd never've had otherwise; it exposed me to people I may never have met. It taught me to make friends and get along; to be tolerant of others.
My childhood mobility became a matter of pride.
14. Sleep Clinic
My whole life, I tossed and turned in bed — and I got up at least three times every night to pee. Finally, in my 50s The Wife said, "Lose the snoring, or lose me." I thought for a couple of days and asked myself, "Who's gonna cook my dinner?" I went to a sleep clinic.
Found I had sleep apnea, got a c-Pap machine, and my life changed. I slept at least six hours every night without moving and never got up to pee!
That was 20-some years ago, of course, and I do have to get up again. But only once. And I can sleep a minimum of four hours and be more rested than I ever felt before!
15. Allergy Treatment
In my late 30s, a co-worker put me onto allergy treatments. All my life, I'd thought I was getting the flu twice a year. I found at the Allergy Clinic that it was allergies and not viruses (Virii? Vira? I'll just call them little germy things.). Ultimately, I took allergy injections for about 18 years, and although I still have allergies, they're nothing compared to 20-30 years ago.
16. Celebrities
After a short "interview" with the late-Sen. Charles H. Percy of Illinois, it took a lot to rattle me in the presence of celebrities. As a grad student working for American New Service, I was struck with a brilliant question to ask him regarding gun control, I think, and caught him as he was leaving one hearing to vote in another. As I walked up the steps with him, aide after aide came up, whispered in his ear, then left. It rattled me. When we arrived at the new hearing entry, he paused and waited.
Pfffft! The brilliant question was gone. So I babbled something incoherent, he returned the favor and disappeared. I was devastated, but by the time I returned to the original hearing, I was laughing my butt off. Never again was I cowed by the fame or stature of another.
17. Baseball Brawl
When I was 18, I had nothing to do one night, so I went to watch the Summer Baseball League 8-9 boy's championship. Back then, they played full-team ball, pitchers, umps, all of it. That game was exciting and hard-fought and brought out probably too much emotion in the parents and coaches.
Teams always showed sportsmanship, lining up, marching over the mound and congratulating each other. This night, though, one coach said something to his opposite number — and fists started flying. As their charges watched wide-eyed, the two "adults" rolled around in the dirt trying to get in a good solid punch.
Finally, some real adults pulled them apart, the players went to get ice cream, and everyone went home.
That night, I promised myself that if ever the Good Lord blessed me with children, I'd be a part of their activities. My wife and I would not just abandon our kids to others who may or may not have the same aims and values as us.
Ultimately, I helped with baseball, basketball, soccer and volleyball as our kids grew up.
And we're glad I did.
18. Parents Passing
My parents died about 12 years apart, Dad first. As I've mentioned, for a long time I felt I might have prevented it. His passing came quickly and hit my mom, sisters and me hard. We had no time to prepare.
His death took the wind out of Mom's sails, and if the truth be known, she'd have been content to die with him. Instead, she began a slow decline and in the end strokes took her.
I grieved horribly for Dad. Mom, I didn't. I loved her dearly, but because her downhill slide took so long, we all had time to prepare.
When they both had passed, my sisters and I, who'd had rocky relationships over the years, put hard feelings behind us. We became close.
The deaths of our parents taught us, finally, that time is too short to waste on petty squabbles.
19. College
I'd been, I felt, more unsure, unliked and invisible in high school. When I decided to go to college, I also decided to start over, re-invent myself. It took awhile, but I did, and it eventually gave me confidence and maturity. So much confidence, in fact, that I was able to flunk out without going all to pieces!
20. Eye Problems
I don't know who, but one of the many eye-care specialists I've seen in my life once told me I had the body of a 30-year-old and the eyes of a 60-year-old. Just what a 12-year-old wants to hear (kidding, just kidding!).
Since I received my first eyeglasses in 7th grade, I've had myriad eye problems: retinal, glaucoma, near-sightedness, cataracts, macular degeneration and who knows what else. And I'm still functioning!
This has taught me two things: 1. There's not any physical problem you can't overcome, short of death; 2. I can't remember what two was!
21. Retirement
I retired the earliest I could and still receive full benefits — in my case, at 62½. That was nearly 15 years ago. The Wife and I feared my sight would die before I could enjoy a bit of leisure. It didn't, and I've never looked back, never regretted our decision.
And we're still muddling along, happy as hogs in a waller...or as they say around here, a Razorback chewing on Longhorn leg (or maybe they don't say that. I'm old; I can't remember....).
I found with just a minimal amount of planning, even at a late date, I could retire pleasantly and comfortably. Runaway inflation may have changed things some since, but I still don't believe one needs $1 million minimum to live out his or her life.
22. NSEF
I'd been in the Navy half my 6-year enlistment when I was assigned to the Naval Security Engineering Facility in Washington DC. I'd been finagling for it for six months and when it was approved I was happy as a walrus in a bed of clams.
I'd originally signed up for electronics and unfortunately found I had neither the aptitude nor the patience for it. NSEF tasks extended beyond electronic maintenance, into carpentry, plumbing, masonry, a/c, electrical work and a range of other things. It was varied, and I loved it.
Not only did it provide me the means to travel without being confined to a ship, it taught me life skills I'd not gotten all in one place. Plus, it paid very well. Per diem and all.
Lastly, it taught me leadership skills I'd probably not had the chance to develop otherwise. And probably kept me out of trouble!
23. Teaching Myself
Two things: in 8th grade I got tired of being afraid of dances and mixers, thereby depriving myself of the company of the fairer sex. So, I rushed home from school each day, turned on the TV and taught myself to dance by watching American Bandstand!
Then when I was 20, I got fed up with staying home from swim parties because I was embarrassed I couldn't swim. So, I began going to the swimming pool in an adjacent town and taught myself to swim!
Of course, by then I was working rotating shifts at a local factory and couldn't attend swim parties then, either, because my days off didn't jibe with everyone else's. But still....
24. New Environment
After almost eight years in the craft, I left journalism. And it was one of the best decisions I ever made!
I got an offer to work in communications with Arkansas Farm Bureau, and took it with its $4,000-$5,000 raise. I'd been making $11,700 annually, which was under the median U.S. income.
Not only did my new job give me time for my family I'd not had, it paid enough for The Wife and I to begin thinking of putting down roots. Additionally, and perhaps most importantly, it removed me from a cynical, psychologically toxic environment where too many co-workers were pompous and arrogant.
25. Faith
The Wife and I really began attending church regularly when we put our son in parochial school. We felt he, and later his sister, would benefit in ways beyond formal education. They have both become upstanding adults, and we are very proud of them.
During their school years, we became involved in our church and since, have learned much about and advanced with the Lord's help, in our faith.
